


i don't need your closure (i have my own)

by scheifsforlife



Series: the wjc trio [2]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, but a little bit of soft stuff at the end, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:09:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28589319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scheifsforlife/pseuds/scheifsforlife
Summary: Trevor Zegras is fucking smirking at him as he waltzes to get his medal and this wasn't the way it was supposed to go.
Relationships: Bowen Byram & Dylan Cozens, Kirby Dach & Bowen Byram, Kirby Dach & Dylan Cozens
Series: the wjc trio [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2094888
Comments: 12
Kudos: 19





	i don't need your closure (i have my own)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bitchasslowry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitchasslowry/gifts).



> do not read if you love the usa boys, i am in my canada feels rn  
> also i wrote this at 1 am  
> and aha lots of trevor zegras slander so don't read if you don't wanna hear it

Trevor Zegras is fucking smirking at him as he waltzes to get his medal and this wasn't the way it was supposed to go. No, the way this was supposed to go was they were supposed to have Kirby here with them, the C on his chest, lifting that stupid metal cup and going back to back. But 2020 just had to ruin it, it just had to. It just had to take Kirby out, had to make him get surgery and travel back to Chicago before anything had even happened. It just HAD to give Newie that upper-body injury so he was hurt nearly their entire run. It just HAD to have the gold medal game on a back to back and now it's having Trevor Zegras, a guy he used to think was his friend, mouth "fuck you bitch" at him before going back to celebrate gold with his team.

Bowen buries his face deeper into Dylan's shoulder like that will help anything.

He really fucking wishes Dylan had taken the C for this one, he really does. It was torture standing there in front of everyone, barely holding it together for the country before he just couldn't take it anymore and just had to start. Dylan would have taken it so much better, always the most stoic leader out of the three of them. Dylan, who whispered in his ear "It's not your fault" as they were going in for the hug, before Bowen had put the medal around his neck, the silver feeling anything but hollow in his hands after gold. It felt like the heaviest weight, even now, pulling his neck down more than anything ever before. He doesn't know how to fix this, he doesn't know how to make things better. He leads using energy, using happiness. He doesn't know how to lead them through this. It's part of why he started breaking down a second time after the medals, cause he didn't just let himself down and the team down as a leader, but Kirby and Dylan down too. The only fucking reason he's wearing the C at all is because Kirby isn't here, and he just feels like shit about it. He doesn't deserve it, not after the way he couldn't give this to the team. It was supposed to be their year, Kirby was BACK, they were going to win it TOGETHER, and that's just not the dream anymore.

"Hey Bow?"

It's Dylan, and oh god, that's the only bright part of all this, that it's not just him alone here. If he was alone he doesn't know what he would do. He doesn't know what he would do without his best friend, his number one since they were fifteen and Bowen was Dylan's annoying roommate at Yale. He would probably be more cracked in half than he is now.

"Yeah Coz?"

And it feels like any other day, it really does. It feels like it's just them, hanging out and being casual and just having fun, like they didn't just feel a whole country's expectations shatter at their feet.

"We have to go inside now yeah? Don't worry, I got you."

And god this feels like the worst type of closure, the knowing that you're going to be okay about this one day, that he might even have to play with some of the USA team in the future and be nice, but also not knowing how to make the pain stop right away, how to get it to stop hurting. All he can think about is Trevor Zegras and those words, those words he's never going to forgive him for and all the words before that too, acting cocky to the point Bowen had no idea if the Zegs he met was even the real one. How dare he talk about Dylan and the team like that? They deserve better.

They're going down the tunnel now and the mood is eerily quiet, as it should be. They just lost. Bowen doesn't know what tastes more bitter, bronze or silver. He guesses silver, because Team Finland seems to be having a swell old time with their bronze trophy. Bowen wants to chuck the silver trophy at Trevor Zegras's head. Just to see what it would do.

Dylan drags him off to the side, and Bowen guesses everyone senses that they want to be alone together right now, the two of them always forming a little sort of clique away from the other boys. That's just the way it is sometimes, when you've known someone for so fucking long, since you were practically a child. And Bowen is so glad for it because as soon as the last guy disappears around the corner, he turns into Dylan's shoulder again and just starts fucking sobbing.

It feels good to cry about it, almost cathartic. It's not going to bring him any closure, never going to make it alright, but it feels nice not to have to be the strong captain that everyone expects him to be. Here, with Dylan sobbing into his hair too, they can both just be themselves, Bowen Byram and Dylan Cozens, the purest form of themselves they can be. He wishes Kirby were here. He misses when they all could just be themselves, without everyone watching them so intently for their every move. Before this entire clusterfuck happened and things changed way faster than Bowen expected, before he realized this might be the last time he, Dylan, and Kirby are friends like this.

"I love you man."

Bowen lets out a sad little chuckle.

"Love you too bud."

And it hurts so bad still and the wound will never be closed nor will it ever heal, but maybe he can live with this. He can live without getting the closure he needs, of back to back with Kirby and Dylan and the world at their feet. Maybe, maybe this can be enough. Maybe this loss, it'll be the thing that'll bring them together in the future, the thing that binds them so deep that they'll never break apart. Suddenly silver doesn't feel so bitter in Bowen's mouth, cause if he can have this? If he can keep Dylan and Kirby this close forever, best friends _forever_ then it's worth it. This loss? It's worth it.

Sometimes you don't need closure. Sometimes all you need is a good buddy to tell you that he loves you.

"Let's go call Kirby yeah? He'll want to talk to us."

Dylan nods from where his head is buried in Bowen's hair, but Bowen can feel the relief in it either way. He was scared too, Bowen realizes with a shock. He was unsure of whether or not they could keep this, the tentative friendship formed between all of them over the years, after the win. Winning changes people, it really does and maybe this was a good omen. Maybe they were meant to win silver here and get gold together somewhere else. He'd rather have that than the closure of winning gold to just break apart after. He's not as much of an idiot as Dylan says, he KNOWS what happened in 2015, Kirby has told plenty of stories of Strome's recurring regrets about that friendship. But if he and Dylan both feel the same way, both hoping that this means they'll be friends forever, Bowen just KNOWS they're going to cling to each other until they can't anymore. And they still can.

Some may think closure is gold, is a back to back, is a Kirby with a healthy wrist.

But for Bowen?

Closure is holding Dylan close in the tunnel, giving his final captain's speech, FaceTiming Kirby after to ugly cry together, and keeping his best friends for life. That's what closure is to Bowen, what it should have been from the beginning.

And if that tastes a lot like silver, so be it.

**Author's Note:**

> three-headed-monster on tumblr, thanks for reading!


End file.
